Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Global Warming in Cleveland

Global warming is stupid! How can you have global warming when we having global cooling in Cleveland, Ohio? Maybe the people controlling the weather (oh, it's true!) are sending all the crap weather to Cleveland. Portland, Oregon is warmer than (60 degrees the next 3 days) Cleveland yet amazingly, it's more north than Cleveland (not lying here)! Since the North Pole is North and Santa and Frosty live there, most people think it gets colder as you go north, DUH! You know, that whole polar ice cap thing. Well, lake Erie is frozen all the way to Canada. Canada! They talk funny because it's so cold up there.
In the picture to the left, you see Lake Erie. It is frozen. If you squint, you will see Canada. It is also frozen. In the foreground there is a cat. He's not happy. He's not happy because he's frozen to the tundra. This is Cleveland.

Now, they say the polar ice cap is melting and global warming is coming to getcha in your sleep and all the polar bears are going to die. I have a solution. We Clevelanders love polar bears. We want to hug them and kiss them and put them to bed. Maybe we could name our  football team "The Cleveland Polar Bears" and scare the hell out of the NFL and win it all for once!  Hey, just bring those baby seals everybody's talks about down here too. We won't club them because the only fur we like is on our dogs. We don't wear fur, we walk it. In the summer, when everything thaws(maybe), the polar bears could go after those terrible Asian carp that's our next big threat.

Anchorage, Alaska is 5 to 8 degrees warmer then Cleveland for the rest of the week. This is fact. Global warming is an invented term. Facts win! I want to hug a polar bear!

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